Szwaja's Sports Blog

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Dear Dontrelle Willis, CC Sabathia, Felix Hernandez, Juan Pierre and others,

I have a beef with all of you. Listen, guys, this is professional baseball, not a 50-Cent video. Bend the brims on your hats as much or as little as you want, but, please, please wear them as they're meant to be worn.

The MLB logo on the back of your hat should be centered on your neck. (Side note: I've always wondered, the MLB logo, is that guy right or left handed? It can really go either way.) And the center of the brim should line up pretty much between your eyes, not cocked to one side. Like I said, I'm not asking you to wear your hat as well as, say, Todd Walker or Nomar wear theirs. The word "uniform" is the root of the word, "uniformity." Everyone on a team is supposed to look relatively the same.

When you guys thug it out by cocking your caps to one side, you don't look like baseball players. Baseball is a sport rich in tradition and precedent, and you guys think wearing your hat on the mound is the same as wearing your hat behind the wheel of your Escalades. It's not. You're not out there to make a fashion statement. You're out there to get guys out.

Wearing baseball hats has become trendy, thanks largely in part to Mr. 50-Cent. Never has it been so cool to wear a camouflaged San Diego Padres hat. Well, it's not cool to mimic 50 on the mound. If you guys think you look cool on the mound, you're wrong. You all look like clowns. CC, I could harp on you for your pants -- I didn't know they made boot-cut, loose-fit baseball pants -- but maybe I'll save that argument for later.

I can't imagine what's to come if you gentlemen continue your nasty trend-setting ways. I can see it now, all of you soon sporting skeleton caps under your hats with the New Era sticker still affixed to the top of the brim, which coincidently isn't bent one centimeter. If this keeps up, everyone will be doing it, including those poor kids who play in the Little League World Series. The thought of it makes me cringe. The next generation of baseball fans might never know what a real baseball player is supposed to look like. Soon, baseball players and guys in Jay-Z's posse will become interchangeable. We can't have that.

So, please, respect the game, turn your hats three inches back the other way so they're centered, and we can all get on with watching baseball peacefully again. Thank you.


Mike Szwaja
Baseball Traditionalist

P.S. - Felix, Brian Anderson owns you.


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